tuhan aku membencinya !!

seandainya ia membaca posting ini, yang pasti tidak mungkin. aku ingin ia tahu betapa aku membencinya. sangat membencinya. muak mengingat wajahnya. mual mengingat pernah mencintainya. benci mengingat semua kebodohan yang kuperbuat! aku memang payah soal cinta. asli payah. orang payah yang tak pernah belajar bahwa mencintai adalah kesakitan yang parah. bahwa mencintai membuat kita bodoh, payah dan irrasional. for the god sake. i deserve a happiness right!! i deserve someone who loves me!! or i don't perhaps, i haven't deserved for it yet. yeah may be god wants me to change first, may be god wait for the right time, the right men, the right moment. when the destiny say yes everything will be alright.perhaps i should change into god women even thomas alfa edison failed 1000 times until he invented lamp so i just fail for about.....wait a sec...for about god!!!! it's been a lot of failure. well that's oke it hasn't become 1000 yet so perhaps i should fail 100 more until i can find my soulmate. isn't that so optimistic? oke go ahead buddy bring it on!!